From an early age, boys are encouraged to bury their feelings and present a tough exterior. Experts say these social dynamics have long-term implications for their mental health.
While there is no one cause, psychologists and educators point to increasing pressures to succeed in school and a growing reliance on technology that can leave kids feeling isolated and vulnerable.
According to experts, boys can struggle more than girls because they have fewer tools to cope with emotions and stressors and are less likely to get the help they need. Without the means to effectively process emotions, boys are more prone to lash out in unhealthy ways or alienate themselves.
Many boys—though certainly not all—have trouble talking about emotions and feelings because social norms have encouraged them to conform to masculine ideals that emphasize values like stoicism, toughness, and competitiveness. Generosity and compassion, in contrast, are seen as feminine characteristics and therefore present a threat to their socially constructed identities.
Social norms and societal pressures deprive boys of the self-awareness and emotional vocabulary to recognize and process their feelings. In turn, they’re less likely to seek help when they struggle.
These pressures, which begin when they are very young, deprive boys of the self-awareness and emotional vocabulary to recognize and process their feelings; they are, in turn, unlikely to seek help from an adult or peers when they struggle.
Despite the uptick in depression among teens generally, a recent study found that only one-third of boys ages 12–17 sought help for depression in 2021, compared with 45 percent of girls. Sometimes, even when boys have the emotional language and recognize the flaws in societal norms, they still conceal their emotions to fit in.
Experts say that when boys can’t express emotions in a healthy way, they may become depressed or act out with anger and violence. Data shows that boys are nearly twice as likely to get into physical fights as girls, for example.
Often, rather than an exploration of the cause of the behavior, these outbursts result in punishment by schools and parents being biased and unfair, particularly for students of color and students with disabilities.
Because boys tend to lack emotional vocabulary—or they don’t feel free to express their feelings—their behavior becomes their communication. So when a boy acts out or is disrespectful, we have to target their behaviors and not assault their character.
While boys can be reluctant to talk to therapists without nudging, one way to grow their emotional muscles is through affinity support groups at school, which research shows can be an effective tool for mitigating the impacts of distress and trauma. There, boys can start discussing common interests and superficial issues, then progress to talking about the pressures of growing up as a boy.
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